This week has been loaded with tons of things that kind of just chip away at our sanity. Everything that can go wrong pretty much did go wrong, and weird things happened, strange people emerged from out of nowhere, and just everything was a bit odd. One day, we ran out of ketchup, and this was a very big deal. We both had two of those really good hot dogs from Walmart cooked up. Sweat beaded on my forehead as I tried to think of an alternative. There was a container of BBQ sauce in the fridge, but it was a beautiful lie, for it was empty. Stress rose as Elder Stewart shakily rose the bottle of mustard. The lid clicked, echoing around the apartment. I slowly shook my head while keeping my eyes locked on the hot dog. The first stream of mustard creakily snaked along the meat in an S fashion, slowly pulling my humanity away with it. The lid of the relish popped off, sinking me to my knees. It sloshed across the hot dog, smashing the mustard to its body. My breath started to fail me. Elder Stewart nodded his head and reluctantly raised the hot dog to his mouth. He closed his eyes and shakily brought it millimeters closer to his lips. Time stopped. I reached my hand forward to prevent the calamity. "No!" I cried. But it was too late. The deed was done, and so was my life.
After that moment, we were both incredibly broken. Grace makes up for the rest, but sometimes, it can feel as if you are abandoned by God, and thus unable to feel his grace. As a broken man, I checked the pantry for anything. I spied the honey and took a judgement call. Elder Stewart was sitting at his desk with his head in his hands. "Hey, should I put some honey on my hot dog?" He looked up and I caught sight of his shattered face. "Oh have mercy." He trembled and dropped his head back down.
I feel like that basically sums up the madness of this week. However, I will continue to write. We volunteer at a food bank every week, hence the salmon loins of last email. This week, I was in charge of stacking carrots and loaves of bread in a freezer. Never in my life have I seen that much bread! But my stacking game was on point, in line with the people of ancient South America. Basically, you wouldn't be able to slide a credit card in the crack between the bread loaves. Thank you, Tetris. I never liked you, but you did me well.
My cooking skill leveled up again. After making us many meals, I tried to make an egg sandwich with three eggs. After summoning all of my energy obtained from previous levels, I took a deep breath and then flipped three sunny side up eggs at the same time. They hit the pan again like champions and I immediately leveled up!
We bought some egg nog on Monday. I drank some for breakfast at like 8 AM. It was basically the best egg nog I've ever tasted. I was so surprised in my euphoria of good taste that I had to check the carton to see what set it apart from the other nogs other than the horrific price of four dollars. It says it has a hint of rum in it. I was shocked and incredibly broken to realize it, especially since we bought an entire gallons worth of it!! What am I, Jack Sparrow?! We kept it in the fridge for further questioning. It was decided that if I started acting really weird, it was not good. I never did act drunk or anything. The sister missionaries took a look at it and they said that I was fine, since I didn't have to show ID for it when I bought it at Walmart. I was so relieved, and we've been chugging that eggnog of lies ever since.
Speaking of alcohol, it is a wonderful thing. Our downstairs neighbor came up to our apartment at like 10 PM, incredibly drunk. She had hiccups for 3 days straight, and she prayed to get rid of them, and once she thought of our faces, the hiccups stopped. We gave her a second Book of Mormon, because she gave her first away. She read it a lot and then came to church with us on Sunday. She is very knowledgeable in religion. She said that despite all these loud children, she has never felt the spirit stronger. Right after, she got her wallet and tried to give the bishop all of the money she had. She was so stunned that he wouldn't take it and is now just in love with our church. We will teach her the lessons soon and I have no doubt that she will be baptized shortly! Sweet!
So that's a fragment of my absolutely messed week. Enjoy it ;)
Gird up your loins, we're going on an adventure!
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