I Got My Stuff Together, But Forgot Where I Put It

I realized this week that we are kind of living in the movie "The Sorcerers Apprentice". I'm Balthazar, the mighty wizard who is pretty good at magic and stuff. Elder Herem is Dave, the awkward but happy guy who tries his darndest. It is super funny to watch him and then hear his noise of awkwardness as weird things ensue, and then his awkward cheer of success. If I can change the story just a bit, though, Dave is desperately trying to escape the ladies which persistently email him and Balthazar is still waiting. 

So anyways, there was a man in Coeur d' Alene who went by the name "Popps", and he was a heavy smoker, so he had a smoker voice. He thought it was funny, so every time I saw him, I would say "Ey, Popps." In a smoker voice. I've kinda kept the voice and will use it every now and then upon stumbling on a cigarette. Elder Thorne picked it up rather quickly and we would make fake arguments with each other. I've taken on the name Popps, and I have a vicious ex wife named Tammy. Last night, (and I emphasize this was all just a fun tassle) I just got into bed like every thing was fine until I heard a smoker underneath me, saying "I still love you." So we got into a big fight and a lot of "Shut ups!" Ensued, coupled with desires for annulments and so on. Then, Elder Herem comes out of nowhere, taking on the name "Leo-nard." The fight escalated until I said, "that's it, I've had enough!" And leaned over my bed to start punching Elder Thorne. It was fun and games until I nearly fell off the bunk bed. My faithful foot caught the edge of my bed at the last second. Oh boy, I love being in a four man apartment. 

So there we were, just slopping our way through the city streets when we come across a person and her daughter we had wanted to meet with. We were warmly invited over and we set a date and time to come and share a message. The little five year old brother decided that now would be the opportune time to rear his face. He starts spraying the hose everywhere and attacking and causing all manner of contention. At one point, he obtained a stick and threw it in the air. He kept this up despite his mother's wishes to stop. One of his fateful throws into the air was about to land on his mother, so I leapt into action, smiting the stick out of the air. "Not in my house!" Unfortunately for this boy, my arm followed through and I decked him right in the eye. I felt bad, for sure, but it was also pretty funny! The mom told him it was his fault, and we eventually came back and had a fantastic lesson! It was a great time for sure. I love teaching the young kids. 

The stove in our kitchen is a little new fangled for us old folk. I decided to be a pal and cook up some pigs in blanket for the apartment. I know of a surety that their blood is not on my hands. I watched an unnamed person attempt to set a timer on the stove. A couple minutes before they were supposed to be ready, smoke was filling the apartment. I opened the stove in disbelief. My dogs were blackened with malice! So sad :(

We get the opportunity to do lots of service around here. My favorite one by far is going to a farm and helping with the animals. Three pigs had escaped, so we pranced right in and caught one within the first minute. We used team work on the next pig and caught it shortly after. Don't ask me how, but I somehow singlehandedly caught the last one. We then got to feed them. I felt so happy feeding a cow. I don't know why, but I have always loved being with the animals. We got a picture of me feeding it with a true smile which has inspired me to start up a new thing. You'll see it if you are friends with me on Facebook, but I'll attempt to post a picture every week about one thing which brings me joy up until around Christmas. Things are just good, you know?

We had a neat day yesterday doing some serious work. I wanted Elder Herem to get some experience talking with people, but I didn't want him to get some heavy rejections this early on, so I would knock on the doors of strangers and get slammed on, and I allowed him to knock the doors of established people. I brought him to one door and I made him think we didn't know who it was. The woman was super nice and she was actually willing to have us teach her and their family. He even gave them a Book of Mormon. I was in awe at the very end when we obtained her name. This wasn't someone who had met with us in the past. It was a semi new move in, and Elder Herem helped us pick up a family! He sure does make me proud. He will be better when he reaches 14 months than I am currently. Keep up the good work, my son! 

In our missionary work, we rarely get off without just absolutely weird situations. We knocked on a members door who took us by the hand and almost dragged us to her neighbors clear up the street because she walked so fast. The little boys answer the door and she kinda just barges right in, still dragging us. I felt so weird, being put right into my spot on a foreign couch. We were then instructed to teach. I briefly told the boys that God loves them and their families can be together forever, and that we had to go because their parents weren't home. So, I mean, the boys were somewhat interested, but I feel like we witnessed some crime or something! I plead my innocence, we were dragged. 

That's what I've got to share for this week. It's getting colder for sure, and that sun is ditching quicker and quicker. I guess we better just "let our light so shine"! Great things are happening, I'm going crazy because of how good Lexi Walker is at singing, how good Elder Herem is becoming, and how little sleep I'm getting. It's the best. I love it.

Right on!

Llama from last week

Us Elders

The Bug Battlefield Continues

This week had many good things, and so to all 5 of you who read my emails, I won't waste any further time. Let's get down to business. 

So this lady calls us up one day, saying that a legion of pigs had escaped their pens and she needed help catching them and returning them back. We slop our way down the boons and pull into a farm which smelled like the days when I worked at HeeHaws farm. Instantly, two geese flare their wings and start to hiss. Elder Herem got scared and started to run, which caused them to engage. I quickly intervened and spread my wings and chased them back to the depths. Little would I know that for the rest of the day, they would cause us grief. 

So we get down to business, looking around for these greasy sons of guns. I couldn't help but feel like the legendary hero Link, trapped in a sidequest to get a piece of heart or something. They are pretty cheeky buggers, but with some teamwork we caught the first pig in minutes. We then fell into a dryspell for a while. Eventually, we couldn't find any until we perused past the horse pen. The pigs had retreated there, hiding amongst the horses and llamas. Me and my boi Elder Thorne climbed into the arena. We just stroll like no man's business across town when he speaks up, "Elder Ruth, stop!" I freeze and he points. "That llama is staring at you. If it drops it's ears, it's going to kill you." I cautiously escaped its line of sight and we continued onward, herding the pigs to a corner. They all bolted for a small hole in the fence, but there were too many of them, so we snatched up another pig, ending our bad luck. At one point, I was on my hands and knees, and one of those geese comes up behind me and tries to attack. I lightly kicked it's face away, but it came back for more, so I headshotted it with a pebble and then chased it away. I guess there isn't too much more heroic stories in the pig catching, but we ended up catching about 17 pigs, got intimidated by a Llamas death stare multiple times, started a stampede in the horse pen and I caught a pig in a sweet dive. I only bled from two places.

We were all busied up in our weekly planning session when I strongly felt that we needed to go outside and visit some lady. We go to the address and it's a trailer park! We didn't have the trailer number. We walked around and I was able to sense which home was hers. We knocked a couple times and she wouldn't come. Just in case, we walked around and I scouted one other potential trailer. No one answered that one either. We returned to number one and knocked again, no cigar. I figured we should just leave, but Elder Herem felt very strongly we should return to number two. Since we had already knocked three times on it, I said to him "ok, I'm only letting you knock it this once, so make it count." He kinda sighed to himself and started to pump himself up. I thought it was kinda weird but didn't complain. Well, my wonderful companion warms up and administers a falcon punch to the door! I was so shocked I kind of just froze. Some old lady shouts, "who is it??" And we shyly say that it was the missionaries. "Not at this time of night!" She cries back at 8:20 pm. We called it good and returned back to our weekly planning.

So, if you remember the bug battlefield from last year, raise your hand! I still don't know what these guys are, but they are tiny blue bugs with white fuzz, and they spawn in extremely large units. Last year, I was probably level 6 or 7 when I first faced them, and so I didn't stand much chance, even with my trainer at my side. Well, as you may have noticed, your boi Elder Ruth has leveled up significantly since that encounter. I'm a level 76 warrior now! We went to ride our bikes one day and 20 legions of these bugs appeared out of nowhere. I ducked my head to block them out and rode my stallion straight though the heart of the battle, instantly slaying unheard of amounts of grunts. Left and right they fell, screaming at the loss of their precious brethren. After riding through several streets, we had finally made it to a clearing, where we halted to search for any injuries. Though I was coated with the bodies of an exceedingly many fallen soldiers, I hadn't sustained a single injury. My wonderful companion on the other hand... was coughing from swallowing some, had them all over his face and hair, and just all around got wrecked. His health bar must've dropped to 2 hp.

I decided that we find ourselves currently in need of more people to teach. I really pumped myself up on Saturday night and committed on Sunday to do my best. Sunday rolls around and I was super tired and basically dying, but I already committed, and Elder Herem agreed. We slithered out our apartment door and went from 1:30 to 5:45 just doing straight contacting and tracting. How wonderful were the results of our work. The very first house we knocked was an inactive member with a daughter who he would like to have us teach. He was grateful we found him in the depths of a trailer park. The one was someone in a no soliciting area. Since he had been seen in the past, it was acceptable. We kind of picked him right back up after he told us all about black ops 2, Zelda, and something else. His wife is a less active member and they just had a baby, and so now is the perfect time! Then we shake n bake our way through the empty streets and get invited into the home of a 20 year old brother who loves video games. We had a lot of that yesterday, not gonna lie... But we had a great conversation and hung out with him for a bit and picked him up too! He's pretty excited, actually. Well, we prod down the streets some more and find a former investigator! Well. He has developed Alzheimer's, so we can't really teach him.. But we could at least update the record so future missionaries know. Then, we were headed one direction when I spied a dog in the tall grass, and he was happy. I was eager to show my trainee my unexplainable power over dogs, so I approached and it angrily burst forth. I struck a power pose and it froze. I then made a gesture as if to say "come at me, bro, and it worriedly ran backwards a few feet. Right as I was about to raise my arm to rebuke the dog, it's owner yells at it from several houses down, so we shyly turned away and went the other direction. Straight into the grasp of a less active member who would love for us to teach her 10 year old daughter! Wow! I was a bit doubtful about what I had heard the Mission President say, but the field here truly is white and ready to harvest! And this was all in one day of work. What a great day. 

That's about what I have to say this time around. It was an overall great week. Good things are happening here in Deer Park. Also, I've only seen like three deer. I feel like I've been lied to. 

Behold, the BUGS.

You wanna do this, too

Sunset

Elder Ruth's Exodus

The windows of heaven have opened and poured out a blessing that there isn't room enough to receive it! So, I've been decepted, I'm not actually in Colville, I'm in a city called Deer Park. If you have served around me, you would know my obsession with a certain car. You should've seen my face when I was handed the keys to a shiny new silver Rav4! I couldn't believe it, I was absolutely ecstatic! What a beautiful machine. I got to drive one the first transfer of my mission and then had to give it to my sister missionaries. If I didn't like them a lot, it would've been a lot harder. 

Anyways, we slop our way across the border into the weed infested state of "Warshington". After a whole lot of driving through fields and mountains and crap, we found our way into the most luxurious apartment any missionary has ever had! It's brand new! Not only that, but the mattresses are also brand new. It's actually clean, nothing is broken, we've got warm water showers for days, a washer and dryer, and a fridge loaded with the goods! I couldn't believe it, we were set up with the best apartment and the best car. Not only all this glory, but it's a four man apartment, and one of my best mission friends, Elder Thorne is here! 

It was all fun and games until it was time to go outside. Not only did we not know the boundaries of our area, we didn't even know who the people being worked with were or any phone numbers or have access to the area book or anything. I looked at my trainee, sighed, smirked, and we dashed our way outside of our apartment into the world. Not like it was handed to us, but I am a firm believer in greenie magic. We got to work, bothering weirdos and spreading the good news. In just that day, we set two teaching appointments, street contacted the few people who even go outside and set a time to do some service for a disabled elderly woman. I had to just smile at my new companion, Elder Herem's enthusiasm. At one point, we saw an old man sitting on the sidewalk and Elder Herem said "I wonder what that guy is doing?" And so I said, "why don't you ask him?" Elder Herem was so surprised and excited he went straight for it. He's such a pure guy, I like him. You should've seen how excited he was when he saw a wild squirrel, and then a family of quail. 

Our first dinner appointment was legendary. We were set up by an incredible family from Cambodia. I loved them instantly. The food was outstanding, the family was fun, things were awesome. It was then that they brought out two pieces of chicken, just doused in a sauce known as bomb sauce. It is something that they have all missionaries try, just for their entertainment. That being said, it is very very hot, derived from habeneros and a few other fun things ;) little did they know, Elder Ruth has built up an insane tolerance for the flames of olde. My companion on the other hand wasn't so lucky. Within seconds, his eyes were wide and he was making noises of extreme discomfort. His face turned red and his cheeks were moist with sweat. He panicked, looking back and forth for some relief. He was eventually allowed some milk to help quench the fire. He then asked to see the sauce. After handling the bottle, he rubbed his eye, setting the pain of a thousand souls upon himself! He panicked and I ordered that man straight to the sink to wash his eye out! But first to wash his hands. Ha, his first day was insane!

We were aware that there were notes about the area in an old place known as the missionary mansion. We weren't able to slither our way down until Sunday, at 8 pm. It's kind of like a barn which was somewhat converted into a home. It's where we would have lived if we didn't get this new apartment. It was ghetto as all get out. However, it had a fridge just loaded with the goods. We excitedly raided all of the good stuff, then rummaged around the rest of the barn. We found the notes, some more useful things, and even a quarter. (YES!!!) However, since we had been on the grind so consistently, the notes almost didn't matter, for we had discovered almost all of the contents on our own. It is still nice to finally have those bad boys for reference. 

Before I left my wonderful home in Coeur d' Alene, we hiked a stupid mountain known as Canfield Mountain. We decided to kind of speed walk up that son of a gun and then run straight down. It was scary, and I almost died on multiple occasions, but we made it. My legs weren't so lucky. I finally finished being sore after 6 days of pain. Anyways, my wonderful man who has the extreme memory problems passed his baptism interview the day before I left. He is getting baptized this Saturday and he is absolutely thrilled! I've been granted permission to return to Coeur d'Alene to support him if I can get a ride. #PrayForRuth

So that just about sums things up! We're having a great time in this ghost town. We may be in the depths of the boons, but we're with two more of my friends, and things are already happening as a result of our faith! And greenie magic. Lots of that. 

The gospel is booo-tiful

Mosiah 24:5 And they were a people friendly with another

Right On

No One Knew How To Pronounce Coeur d'Alene Anyway

Golly mister, what a week! We start off with the sad news for Elder Ruth. I will be transferred back to Washington to Colville. Be not deceived, it's pronounced Callville. No one up here pronounces anything right. I will be leaving my first trainee. The very one who will start beatboxing and then clap for himself while using the bathroom. You will be missed Elder Stepan! I will be training another new Elder, so that's cool. It's a sad exodus, but good things are ahead! I'm dropping my old set of problems and picking up a new set of problems from other missionaries! Whoo

So, at our last zone conference, our president left halfway through and went tracting. He found a new person to teach for our other elders in my district. Well, she had some bad experience and dropped them. So sad:( We went on exchanges and we had the option to try and visit her. The other elder was hesitant, but I went in with my normal "why not" attitude and we slopped onto her front door. She was somewhat hesitant, but the spirit softened her right up and we plopped ourselves right onto her couch. One hour later, we had just revived a daughter of God! To top it off, we invited her to watch conference, so she turned it on to BYUTV and there was President Nelson, just dropping the fierce doctrine. Then the choir starts singing and there is my sister. This lady was so touched. Then all four of us slithered our way over the next day and watched both sessions because she had recorded them. I laughed when she said "these men just make you want to be a Mormon!" We explained that they are apostles, just like Peter, James and John. She loved the rebuke President Nelson gave her later on with the nicknames. It felt great to revive someone who had serious doubts the day before. 

Anyways, the exchanges I got to do this week were fantastic. One of the other elders was struggling a whole lot, and while we were together, something clicked and he fixed himself right up. He's doing a lot better now! And we found them a new investigator and things were just great. Plus, they live in a 4 man with my trainer. One of the highlights was when it was like 10:40. His bed is kind of a bunkbed so he can reach all of us. I've seen him on multiple occasions wail on a disobedient elder below him. Anyways, I said a phrase which has annoyed him for the entire time I've known him, so he rolls over and starts wailing on me from above. He got two and a half punches on me before I rolled out of bed. I then smote his face with a pillow and we called a truce. It surely was an entertaining exchange.

So, one day, I decided that I had enough time to make myself a quality lunch. We don't normally have time for good food, but when you add lunch onto the 1 hour language study, you have more than enough. I cooked up the chicken real good. I opened the fridge to search for something else when my eyeball grazed a basket just loaded with eggs. My hands crawled into the basket and obtained two eggs, cracking them and dropping them into the pan. Then I ate three Oreos. Well, upon looking at the eggs, I decided that this simply wasn't enough. I cracked two more and slopped them to the depths, then had three more oreos. This still just wasn't an acceptable amount. I excitedly grabbed three more eggs and then started stirring them up. I ate even more oreos in glee. I poured the sauce into the goods and then got to work on the rest of the meal. I was making some rice when I recalled that a pressure cooker lied in wait in the darkest corner of my cabinet. I hadn't used one ever before, but I had heard legends of their mystical powers, possessing the qualities to make 20 minute rice in 4 minutes and a roast beef in 30. I hadn't ever used or seen one get used, but it seemed simple enough. I threw in the goods and tightened the lid, casually snacking on the oreos which my companion should not have left on the counter. I was pleased to hear the boiling in the pot which had started far quicker than I had anticipated. I bounced around in excitement while Elder Stepan remained in the bathroom. Even more oreos were pounded. A dark feeling then pulsed throughout my body. Something wasn't right. That pressure cooker was making a noise which I hadn't anticipated. I stopped eating mid bite and watched in curiosity as it began to vibrate. I fell into a stupor as it bounced around the burner. Everything was fun and games until a cloud blocked the sun, darkening the room. The pressure cooker screamed like a banshee, sending me into a panic mode. I paced back and forth in the kitchen, knowing each moment wasted would increase the danger the world was in. I nervously approached the oven with my arm covering my eyes in case the cooker exploded. I grabbed the handle and attempted to twist the lid off to release the pressure and the evil spirits within. It's a trap! The lid wouldn't come off! I panicked and started full out sprinting back and forth, unable to decide what to do. I was about to rip off an attachment on the cooker, but was rebuked by the spirit. I grabbed an oven mitt first and then yanked it off. The screams of one thousand dead men shrieked out, followed by flaming vapor straight from the depths of tartarus.  I didn't grab no shoes or nothing, I ran for my life! I then remembered that my chicken and eggs were still left defenseless on the stove. I led a freedom run back into the kitchen and ripped those left behind soldiers from their post. The howling and gnashing of teeth continued from the kitchen for another few minutes before it settled, unlike my heart rate. I cautiously approached and finished the job. Was my rice cooked? Yes. Was it worth the heart attack. Yes. And all of this happened as my son dwelt in a bathroom. 

So anyways, it was just a radical week. I've started to really find that doing the right thing brings happiness. Not that I was committing some major sin all of the time, but I believe committing many tiny sins led me to be unhappy and depressed. After a special emphasis to do everything right that I can and to avoid all of the bad stuff, I've come to be much more cheerful. Things are awesome. I may not be a district leader any longer, but they say being a district leader makes you lose sleep. I'll get my sleep back now! I'm not in an area I'm familiar with, but now I can perform miracles in a new place and help people find the true church of Jesus Christ. None of this ever was easy, but my constant struggles have forced me to rely on Christ. My sleep results came back and they can't tell me what's wrong with me. We got a thyroid test then and that didn't show anything either. At least I know I can depend on my older brother to bare me up when I can't go on. I'm no more tired than He was when He suffered the sins of the world. He will help me. And He can help us all. Here's my testimony. This is the Church of Jesus Christ, and God will support His children. I seal this in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen, men!

Farewell CDA group!

Climbed to the top!

Santa already?

"It was an axident, I swear."

Hit the deck, and prepare every needful thing, for this week was none other than a week of splendor. I learned more of Christ's love, got hit with an ax, found like a dollar of change on the ground and much more. Now. Let's get to the good stuff. 

So, if you remember many moons ago, an entire year, in fact, I was companions with none other than my best friend, Elder Stewart. We were such good friends that we never got into a real argument and were always setting each other up. It was so good, we would come up with fake stuff to fight about, just for the sake of it. Well! He lives in a four man apartment that we went to visit on a chilly September evening. We parked in their spot in front of the apartment because they were trolling around Rathdrum. While we were doing what needed be done with the other elders in my district, he comes barging in, yelling all manner of things, such as "Are you kidding me?!"he runs into the room we were in, throws a box on the ground, then fake angrily explains that they pulled into the parking lot to see their spot was taken, so they had to park on the street and pull their bikes all the way over. I was laughing too hard to really fight back, but he eventually finished blowing off his fake fumes and returned to his room with his companion. We hugged it out five minutes later, laughing and messing around. Good times.

The hot water in my apartment is a joke. It lasts for about two minutes. We were asked to go to the church at 8 AM and fill up the font, and I recalled that the church has a shower room where two shower heads spew on you at once with never ending hot water. We slopped our way over to the church in our PJ's to fill up the font and take a shower, when we see that many people are already there? We curiously go inside and we see the building is being cleaned, and it's all by some of my most favorite ward members. We even saw our guy on date for October 20th helping clean! Haha. I was so worried I'd get teased for my Rudolph pajama shirt that I had to throw another shirt on over it. Needless to say, our showering plans were cancelled and we went to another apartment instead to use theirs. It was a grand shower of infinite warm water, but upon finishing, I realized my grave mistake. I had forgotten my towel. If there is one thing I'm good at, it's improvising. I spent the next few minutes just waving my arms up and down and drying myself off. When I was adequate, I searched the drawers and found a hair dryer. Yes, I finished the job with a hair dryer. It was marvelous. At the time of my writing this, my body wash and shampoo are still there, two days later. We've had some bar soap to help me get by. I am excited to ditch that. *shudders*

We had a pretty powerful lesson with one of our new guys last Monday. He's 17 and I like him a lot. I just wanna go play basketball or something with him. But he has been steadily progressing in the gospel. I set Stepan on him to say, "will you follow the example of Jesus Christ by being baptized by someone who holds the priesthood authority?" And the guy goes "... will I? .... I will." And I had a hard time not laughing at his response, it was just so different from the typical acceptance, coupled with his facial expression. Well, my guy is on date for October 27th, one week after the one who was cleaning the church.

So, there was I, just trying to get some quality sleep when I was awoken at 12:30 am. I don't know how to really say it other than, the earlier I wake up, the rougher my sleeping will be. A 12:30 wakeup signifies a class 10 major bad night. And I had two in a row. I was actually noticeably going crazy. I was hopped up on energy and ready to rumble. Well, this guy calls us over for some serious service, pulling tree stumps from his land. It took a long time for each stump because of how large they all were. It would take three guys about 45 minutes to get one out of the ground. After several hours of this over the course of two days, I started pacing back and forth. That's kind of how I charge up, and it's usually not a good sign. Once I had called up enough raw power, I grabbed a stump and kinda started speaking in tongues and asserted all of my aggression, causing it to slightly budge. I kept angrily fighting until 10 seconds later, when to everyone's great surprise, I ripped it straight from the ground. But I wasn't done there. "Know ye not that I am able to do mine own work?" I asked the next stump as I evicted it from its spot. Well, understandably so, I quickly became exhausted and had to rest for a bit. While I was resting, I was sitting on a small hill, close to my missionary pals, but far enough to be deemed safe. Unfortunately, the one I was closest to isn't that athletically inclined. When he was axing a tree if it would move, the weapon rebounded off the tree with mighty intensity. He kinda yelped, but it was too late, for my right shin, just below the knee had been struck with an ax. It sure hurt, but I was extremely surprised to see that it actually hadn't cut me. There sure is a bruise, and the internal bleeding made it look like a cut, but I'm just great, actually. The elder felt really bad, so I was like, "it's alright. It was just an axident." I was able to go on exchanges with him to further prove that I was perfectly ok. He was so scared of having given me a serious injury, his soul was racked with eternal torment. He was very relieved to see that I was perfectly ok and continued to make ax jokes the rest of the day. 

That day was a day we exchanged. It was good, miracles happened, the church is true. So anyways, Elder Stepan gets back, and I am just absolutely exhausted as all get out. I fell asleep in my chair around 9:30. He woke me up at 10:40 to go to my bed instead of the chair. When I turned the lights on in the morning, he was curled in a ball on his bed, without a blanket, using his laundry as a pillow. His stuff was left in the car and he didn't want to wake me up so we could get it! Augh, Elder Stepan! Well, he told me that he would wake me up next time these shenanigans occur. 

This email sure is getting long. I have a story of the love of Christ. I'll just have to share it next week. But hey. He loves you a lot! So express your love back to Him by serving others. 

The Axident

See my Rudolph shirt?

When the Sisters plan P-Day