Would You Like Some Onions?

Slap me thrice and hand me to my mother if this week wasn't the opposite of generic. God maybe read my email last week and went, "hm.", because this week was jam packed with madness and glory and all manner of miscellaneous nonsense! Now, strap on that seatbelt and allow me to take you on an adventure.

So on Monday, I was on exchanges and had the other Elder here in Deer Park. He's relatively new, but I've been around newbies ever since the end of August, so it's all good. Anyways, we slither our way into the home of one of our people who actually kept a commitment! I couldn't believe it. We changed the lesson plan and taught a good one, backed by the spirit. She then accepted a baptismal date of March 23rd. We then slopped our way across the dank foggy streets into the home of a family of two from Iraq. It was wonderful to get to know them and share our beliefs. I guess the woman was so impressed with additional knowledge of Jesus Christ that she said she wouldn't meet until she read a quarter of the book. Apparently she's almost finished it, having started on 3rd Nephi 11. Good gravy. What made the night even better was the fact that this Elder had only taught two other lessons his entire mission, so we doubled his lesson counter in one evening. Boys.

The other Elders taught a Chinese woman and she is being baptized this Saturday. She invited us all over for lunch, so we squeaked our way into the other Elders inferior car and mosyed on down. She had us wear some special slippers as we entered the home, and it made me feel sweet. Then she excitedly sits us down at her table, then slaps down some pretty nasty food for us! We're talking a shrimp salad, seafood soup, stuffed cabbage rolls and more. I managed to pile down some of the shrimp stuff without any shrimp desecrating my plate. I also poured the soup into a bowl and pretended to have some. When she returned to the kitchen, I dumped it all back in and then pretended to finish off the rest of it. The cabbage rolls were manageable, though I had to choke it down with some word of wisdom friendly tea. At this point, I was feeling really sick. I then had some really soggy spring rolls which kind of finished me off. I managed to not throw up, but the other elders at the table heard the noise my stomach made multiple times as it contracted violently. Luckily, she never asked how we liked it. I thoroughly enjoyed talking to her and learning more about China and her culture. I then got to interview her the other day, and she is now good to go. We will attend that baptism this Saturday. Whoo!

We do service at the food bank every week, and they had an overload of onions. So much so that they asked us to take bags and bags. We somehow ended up with 300 pounds of onions in the back of our extremely attractive 2017 Rav4. In one day, we bestowed 200 pounds of onions upon many of the residents of Deer Park. Every time we spoke with someone, I asked them, "Would you like some onions?" I don't understand why some people took large sacks worth, but if they're into that kinda thing, who am I to judge? We then got a large box of avocados two days later and gifted them out again. It was pretty awesome, not going to lie. 

So we decided that it was time we built a shelter for the pigs at the pig farm. A lot of them don't have any protection from the elements. A neighbor down the road informed us she had some sheet metal we could use for a roof. We shuffled our way down and find out it was a bigger deal than anticipated. It was about 25 feet long, which was too much for us. However, I was determined to succeed, so we managed to fold it in half, stick it as far into the car as we could and then drove a quarter mile with the majority of it hanging out the window. We then got busy, working hard and building the shelter. It may be ghetto, but if it ain't ghetto, it ain't me! It turned out pretty well, actually. We just need to throw some finishing touches on it. So anyways, this brings me to the most traumatizing part of this week. I was told to try and catch an alpaca so that she could give it a shot it needed. I hadn't ever caught an alpaca before, so I giddily pursued it and threw that Johnson into a headlock. The other elders held it down and the shot was given. We were told we could let go, and so I did. In less than a millisecond, that son of a gun bent its neck all the way back and spit RIGHT INTO MY EYES. It was far too quick to react, and so I kinda fell into shock. I had just been shot. I hurried to the snow and washed my face as best as I could. When we got home, I washed my eyes intensely. Anyways, back to the past, once the situation was under control, I threw a snowball at that rude alpaca. 

This email is getting long, but there is one more event I wish to share. So I very much so believe in the powers of the best car in the world, the Rav4, and it has not once failed me. We visited someone who hadn't had their place plowed, and they had one of those like mile long driveways and they don't really have a place to turn around. We just flip a U through the deep snow and an awful feeling overcomes me. We were now stuck in the snow, and all wheel drive wasn't saving the day. We did lots of going into reverse and forwards, but it wasn't working well. We got out and shoveled out the car as best as we could, and after a while, we built up enough momentum to blast to freedom! That lasted 2 seconds, and we were stuck again. We repeat the process, get unstuck, bail, and get stuck again. We realize the only way we can really escape is by backing up through our tracks and then build up as much momentum as we can and burst free. However, 20 minutes went by, and we were just so stuck. I called out to God in mighty prayer and got in the car. It budged a bit, but not much. Then I started screaming, "O Babylon, O Babylon, we bid the farewell! We're going back to the apartment to freedom to dwell!" The car nudges further. I start chanting stuff like "I will boast of my God!" As more and more progress is made. After Elder Larson offered a silent prayer unbeknownst to me, the car burst free in a jolt of backwards motion. I throw in as much power as I can get and zip away towards freedom without him. I reached a wide enough area that I spin the wheel and throw down the E-break, drifting my way forward, then threw it into heavy acceleration and we burst from the icy chains of the devil! And then I waited for Elder Larsen to catch up.

So that's enough for this week! We found 4 new people to teach, put someone on date, handed out 200 pounds of onions, taught many lessons and wrought miracles in the name of the Lord. This was anything but a generic week.

Me and my favorite cow

Elder Herem at Zone Conference

Ghetto pig shelter

Generic Week

How nice. This week went by much quicker than last week. Miracles were wrought, shivers were had, and mr sun has yet to show his smiling face. I of course was aware of this, so I made sure to shine my happy light on Nemo (my plant) every single day. He sure is enjoying himself. I seriously just trimmed that man a couple months ago and he's already getting big. Like my biceps. Wait what?

There was a drought in my land for a little while. That's probably to be expected when you sweep into an area with just two or three people to teach. Me and Elder Herem worked hard, throwing seeds left and right. The field is starting to ripen. We had one plant just pop out of nowhere last week. We had my first baptism since September(?) on Saturday. I got to play the piano for it and it was wonderful. The spirit is always so powerful at baptisms. He was then the only guy we had come to church the next day, out of the six others we had committed. Now he has been blessed with the Holy Ghost and is working to help his mother join the church. That'll be a wonderful event for sure!

The other week, we visited a members home and shared the second half of the plan of salvation. A nonmember was so intrigued by it that he had to sit down and take it all in. He excitedly set a time for us to come over in a few days. It was then that something happened and he ended up in the hospital with a golf ball sized kidney stone. We sent over some other elders to give him a blessing and I guess they started teaching him for us! Haha, they returned him to us and he would like to be baptized in March or April. How exciting. This field is going great.

We have one person we were teaching commit a sin which they perceived to be of extreme seriousness. They were very shaken up and worried they wouldn't ever be able to be baptized. The sin they committed comes along with a commitment we make when we are baptized. I was able to show her a scripture in second Nephi 9 which lifted a large burden off of their shoulders. It was 2nd Nephi 9:25, in case anyone read this. Anyways, they met with the bishop the other day and now this person feels much much better. I fully believe they will be able to be baptized at the end of March. 

On one greasy January evening, we slopped our ways into the trailer park we seem to spend most of our time in. The very first door we knocked had some people my age, who let us in because they knew it was pretty freezing. We then shared a good ol powerful message on the restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ. The guy was very glad to hear that not all churches were wrong, because they all preached of Jesus Christ, but ours had the complete truth and was led by Jesus through a prophet today. We are headed back tomorrow to bestow the knowledge of the plan of salvation on them. It'll be sweet. 

If you were expecting to hear about the pig farm, you'll be disappointed. Nothing of interest this week. We just did lots and lots of missionary work this week. We found 3 new people, taught like 20 lessons and wrought miracles in the name of the Lord. Not much else really stood out this week. The church is true, Jesus loves you. Jet fuel can melt steel beams. The earth isn't flat. 

A Slippery Week for You and Me

Another week of January has passed as slow as it could before my eyes. This week took longer to move than King Zora in Ocarina of Time. Not to say that it was a bad week, it was certainly good. I mean, we got some serious work done. We've found some more people to teach, we've built some good unity and. Well. Who even needs this first paragraph anyways. That's way too much introduction.

So anyways, there was this one person in Coeur d'Alene who I worked on soooooo hard. It took tons of effort because she no-showed or cancelled like there was no tomorrow, but I along with a couple companions were able to teach her the first three lessons along with a few of the commandments. Probably around half of the doctrine required for baptism. Anyways, this flaky person flaked so frequently that all were in agreeance to drop her. It was a shame, because when we did teach her, it was always a powerful lesson, and she was very into it. Well, it took me a while to catch wind of it since we can't email other missionaries in the same mission, but, she got through the rest of the lessons and was baptized. It's really nice to see a seed that me and my past companions plant and nurture finally blossom. Nice. 

So, I come from a land of bland food. Since I grew up with it, I didn't really mind too much. What a shock it was to me to come to the mission and experience so much flavor and spice! My trainer loved sriracha and it made me want to follow suit. After a few weeks, I finally built up a tolerance. Kinda weird because I think it tastes gross, I just enjoy lighting my mouth on fire. Time goes by and people occasionally put crazy crap into my food such as red peppers and fire sauce and habaneros. After some fight for truth and right, these became nullified. Eventually, the ghost pepper spooked its way into my mouth, giving me all it's got. That son of a gun didn't stand a chance against this emissary of the Lord! I fought my way through the legions of Indian and Mexican and Thai food, ready to conquer anything. It was then that one of my favorite guys out here approached from the depths of Cambodia, wielding the spiciest of them all. The Carolina reaper!! (At least, I think that's the hottest.) This pepper must have emerged from the genetically modified plant from hell. I don't understand why we put them into our bodies if we have to wear double layer gloves to touch them! I know that I said I enjoy lighting my mouth on fire. However, fire has a very important quality. If it's wet, it goes away. A normal burning sensation is ok and welcome, but this Carolina reaper was actively ripping my mouth apart in the flames. It was like all of the protons and neutrons and electrons were now vibrating a million times a second. I managed to hold my poker face quite well, but it was like my soul was being ripped from my body like in Hercules when he took a dip in the river styx. My face turned a slight shade of red, and it was hot as all get out, but the poker face continued and continued for the space of many minutes. After a long drought, vanilla ice cream was rewarded. I really thought that might save the day, but it only offered temporary relief. It took about 20 minutes and a bowl of ice cream and two cups of water before the reaper was smitten, and I was free. It feels good, knowing that a boy from a small town has now come on top, defeating the spiciest enemy in existence.

One day, we were minding our own business with the other Elders in the car and their phone starts to ring. I sigh deeply as I hear them receiving a referral, and then sigh harder when I hear he is already on date for baptism. An evil smile crept upon my face when I hear his address and then the other Elders say that he is for sure in their area. I slyly pull it up, and he is actually in ours! Yes, boyz! So we call this gentleman up and arrange a time and place to meet. We had a lesson at the bishops house, jam packed with the good stuff. It was fantastic, and this man was really prepared, despite having a lot of stuff not yet taught. We taught him another lesson with the good stuff at the ward mission leaders home two days later. He thoroughly enjoyed it and he came to church. Everyone there gladly accepted him in and a lot of them will come to his baptism. We are finishing up his last big ol lesson tonight at the relief society president's house. He will be interviewed on Wednesday and then baptized on Saturday. Needless to say, I am very excited to have another person I've taught winter the waters of baptism. Let's go, hype it up. Sorry Elder Herem. 

The rest of the week had some other good things as well. With some hard work and prayer, we finished the week with 5 new people and one of them was put on date. We've made contact with some people who've been gone for a while, we served a lot, and I even learned how to tape and mud a room. The sun is setting a bit later and I love it. Despite winter slapping me around like Jack Sparrow every time he visits Tortuga, things are grand, and I'm not holding your hand.. :(? I normally delete the weird stuff, but I'll keep that one. Haha. 

Do you see the two dogs?

Because I can

Bye Elder Herem!

On this yesterday 16 months ago, I said goodbye to my family and began my journey. Now, after leading many to the waters of baptism and performing miracles in the name of the Lord. I remain stranded in the depths of Deer Park, teaching people the gospel of Jesus Christ and striking fear in the heart of Satan.

Well, I haven't really gotten emotional about leaving a companion for several months. I guess the bond between a trainer and their trainee who remained together is a bit different. I didn't cry, but I felt a part of my heart get ripped away as Elder Herem drove away with another person. Good luck, my friend. Now, I'm spending my time slopping through the dank snow covered streets with none other than Elder Larsen. I am finishing his training, and it's been good so far. It took a couple days to recover from the trauma of a friend leaving, but things are good. I guess Elder Larsen is a professional Pokemon player. What is that, you may ask? This man went to huge tournaments to play Pokemon and he has a thing for winning. He once won a sum of 10,000 real dollars! Holy cow! Anyways, he's doing ok up here, we've already taught more lessons here than he taught in his last area. Wow!

One of the lessons we taught was on the plan of salvation. I guess we as a church tend to say that it was a good thing that Adam ate the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. As I taught about that, we received some push back. It opened my eyes a bit, and I looked over at her daughter who had her baby with her, which coupled with the Holy Ghost made things click in my mind. Adam was meant to eat that fruit eventually, but God hadn't intended for him to eat it quite yet. Just like God intends for us to have children, but he asks us to wait for when we are married. So. Does that mean that this little baby is bad and shouldn't exist? No! That is a beautiful baby and God loves it and has high hopes for it to grow up and change the world some day. If we turn to God, He can make the best of every situation. Adam also did something before God intended him to, but that doesn't mean that God stopped loving him or sent him to hell or anything. God provided His son Jesus Christ to atone for everyone's sins, so that when we turn to Him, we can be forgiven and return to live with Him some day. I strongly believe that though we don't condone sin, sin doesn't have to be a bad thing. It is a way to learn and grow, and when we turn to Him, we can become stronger and more beautiful in His eyes. An Easter egg looks pretty when it has been colored in blue paint. It's even prettier when it was cracked and then dipped in paint. The cracks make it beautiful. (If that makes sense.) Anyways, she then came to Church for the first time this week! Yesss. 

Things are beginning to pick up again. Lots of people have been sick or otherwise busy, so lots of things have been cancelled. I was disappointed to visit an investigator Elder Herem picked up and get dropped. She hadn't had a single lesson, and was searching for churches, but she wasn't interested in hearing our message at all. It bothers me when people won't even hear us out. All I can take comfort in is a scripture in Ether where God basically says that it doesn't matter if the people we reach out to don't listen. When we do our part, He is proud of us and we will have eternal life.

If you know me as a missionary pretty well, you'd know I do not enjoy tracting. I was looking at our weekly goal and noticed that we hadn't yet reached our new people being taught goal. For the first time in a while, I got riled up and filled with energy and determination to find a new person. We had 45 minutes, and I knew we had to travel to a trailer park just up the street. I couldn't believe it when the first door I chose brought us to a man from Ukraine who initially wasn't interested. I have never had any success whatsoever with the seemingly large population of Ukrainian people, but I just kept talking to him. I couldn't believe it when he told us he would be willing to hear about our message because it seemed as though we spoke the truth about additional knowledge of Jesus Christ. It made me so happy to know the Holy Ghost led me to this man right as it counted.

So, what's a weekly email without a reference to the farm, am I right? The most eventful thing which happened will not be described in full detail. A few days prior, a hay bale fell and smashed a pig to death. It was my job (and I always seem to get the bad jobs) to locate the pig. I thought it would be fine, it had only been a few days that it was dead. I was sooooooo wrong. All I have to say is, once I uncovered it and dragged it a few yards, if my stomach wasn't empty, it would've been emptied into the mud. That's all I have to say about the sight and smell that I was unprepared to behold that day. 

The other cool thing that happened was when I snatched up a piglet. Never a good idea when the mommas are around, but I was really feeling it today. I played with it a little bit, but its squeals eventually got loud enough to summon a behemoth. That son of a gun started to charge at me. I don't know why, but it was just pure instinct. I dropped the piglet, slammed my foot to the ground and held out my fists, ready to punch the now charging pig in the face. I kid you not, it stopped in its tracks and just froze. Right before I could get closer and establish dominance, someone pegged it with an apple to defend me and it ran away. It was amazing. 

That's pretty much it for this week. Winter is taking its toll on me and things are becoming a lot more difficult. I just know that if I can endure the last months of winter, I can enjoy to the end of my mission. #PrayForRuth But if you are praying for me, please also pray for all of us missionaries! We can feel your strength and support from time to time, and we love the extra divine help! Thanks guys, it's been real.

Good Luck Elder Herem

Little (live)  Piggies

Buddies